YEET YEET SKRT YEET
yOu NeVeR lOvEd Me MoM
Hello, good morning, happy Monday, and welcome to this thing.
Don’t you dare judge me if I start being super productive and healthy ironically, as a bit.
The Main Tea
This is the section where I tell you the big thing(s) on the Internet that are intriguing me.Everything and Anything Can Be Back In
Hear me out — time is no longer a thing. It doesn’t matter!
A couple of weeks ago on the internet, we had Berries and Cream, the iconic old Starburst commercial, which came back onto the scene, got remixed, and got the Little Lad an editorial in Paper Magazine.
That commercial was from 2007, and no one had really recalled it in the meantime.
Old songs that about eight people listened to in the 80s have turned around to become viral successes on TikTok.
And most importantly, things that happened less than a year ago are getting “do you remember when?”-ed by the youth, including, but not limited to, my favorite SNL bit of forever: Pete Davidson and Timothee Chalamet rapping.
This bit, despite being less than a year old, was re-introduced on TikTok this week and has taken over AGAIN, with brands and creators alike using the sound. Here’s my personal fave, from the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.
The lesson here is that there’s no limit on what you can create online and when. There are trends, sure, but the trend cycle is so chaotic at this point means that if you’re two months late to a trend, that may just be bringing it back into style. Do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter anymore, time doesn’t exist online.
Hot Take of The Week
This is the section where I talk about my opinions, but even more than in the rest of the newsletter.The Internet isn’t bad, people are. But actually, people aren’t bad, the world is.
This is a complicated take but I believe myself to be correct. A lot of people would probably disagree — but hear me out.
All technology, when first created, was absolutely demonized. Books were the devil because they were ruining the tradition of the spoken word and the memories of the youth. Books were shortening attention spans and changing how people interacted. Books ALSO allowed way more people access to a way larger amount of information than ever before. It expanded the ability to educate and helped level (to some extent) the playing fields of knowledge and power. If you learned how to read, you could learn how to support yourself in jobs outside of physical labor. That’s powerful shit.
I think now, no one would disagree that the advent of the printing press and mass distribution of books was a massive step forward for our society. Things got better.
And now, we have The Internet. We have Social Media. And it’s all evil, right? It’s shortening our attention spans, changing how our brains work. It’s also allowing a lot more people access to a lot more information. Sound familiar? Thought so.
Functionally, based on how technological advances like books or the Internet ~advance~ our societies, it simply cannot be evil in and of itself. However, the people using the Internet (and the people building the Internet and the systems we use within it), can be evil.
So let’s look at that for a second.
Do we actually believe that people are fundamentally bad? I don’t. I know that’s a deeper philosophical argument, but to summarize, I don’t think people can be evil or bad or selfish as a baseline of the human state because too many people are good for that to be the case.
So operating on the assumption that humans are not Bad as a mandate of our nature, why do people do bad things online? Why do anonymous trolls bully and harass in ways they wouldn’t IRL? Why are people so quick to jump to horrible conclusions about others? Wish ill on others and their loved ones?
It’s because of the systems they’re forced to operate in. It’s our world, and the systemic structures that f*** people up, that condition us to believe that the world is unfair and everyone is out for themselves and maybe we should be too.
Also, you have to remember that people, who exist in a capitalist society where there is no true ethical consumption, will work to help their own lives, which means having more money and more means, which means that when they build apps and social media sites and whatever else, they will inevitably gear these things towards profit and consumerism which also inherently f***s them up.
Finally, none of this applies to Mark Zuckerberg, as he is a robot, not a human.
*end rant*
People Who Are Dating, Who They Are, Why It Matters (Or Doesn’t), + If I Think It’s Real or PR
This is the section that explains itself super clearly in the title.Emma Chamberlain and Her Boyfriend
I’ve heard rumors that Emma Chamberlain’s boyfriend is famous, and I only sort of believe it.
Emma Chamberlain, for those of you who somehow don’t know, which would be insane, is a vlogger and YouTube/Internet personality who rose to fame about five years ago for her relatable and easy-going, honest, videos. She shot to 11 million subscribers very quickly, gained a whole lot of obsessive fans, moved to LA, launched a coffee company, got an ambassador role for Louis Vuitton, interviewed everyone at the Met Gala this year for Vogue’s YouTube channel, and now she’s jet-setting around the world because she couldn’t be bothered to go back home to L.A. (She doesn’t like it there.)
Through the last couple of months, Emma has been ~spotted~ with this rapper (??) Tucker Pillsbury (which is a hilarious name), who goes by ROLE MODEL for his music career. I’m going to be honest, I just quite simply don’t care about him, but I care about Emma a lot, and that’s important.
Normally, someone who vlogs, especially someone young, will include their flings and relationships in their videos. It can be hard to avoid — if you’re spending time with that person, traveling to see them, how can you not mention it?
Emma has had a couple of relationships in the past, all of which were unconfirmed by her, and never got face time in her videos. She’s effectively assuring that no one now, or in the future, will use her for clout, because she doesn’t allow them to get clout by being around her. I think that’s pretty cool, and empowering, and just fascinating as an overall concept. Rather than be defined by a relationship (or lack thereof) online, she is just Emma, and that’s good enough.
Trendy Toks
This is the section where I tell you about trends or sounds or whatever I want related to TikTok.This Girl Calling Men “Short Kings” — I’m obsessed with this girl. I’m obsessed with this concept. The idea of hopping onto a man’s TikTok live and complimenting him but with the assumption that he’s short — “We love a short king 🥵” — is absolutely incredible. It’s basically a sociological experiment to see how people respond to a false or backhanded compliment. Highly recommend watching.
How to Upset Men — Okay, I guess I’m on one this week? But this is just quite simply the funniest series, where this wonderful man tells people things you can say to confuse and upset a man, including but not limited to:
You’re like a male Amy Schumer
Is this your first time on a plane?
and my personal favorite: You might feel differently about that when you’re older.
A Thing I’m Personally Super Pumped About + Why
This is the section where I blab about something that gives me joy and energy rn.As a follow-up to a prior week: The Princess Switch 3 trailer. You’re welcome, and you’re all invited to my viewing party on November 18th at my parents’ apartment.
Exposing Myself Just a Little Bit
This is the section where I give you one tiny glance into my For You Page, which exposes me and the depths of my personality just a little too much.I have a confession… I had to ask a fellow Young Person to explain a new TikTok bit to me. I was absolutely lost when the first TikTok about the snail came across my FYP and embarrassed about it. But I asked, and now I know! (It’s from an old Reddit/Tumblr/Twitter meme and it got brought onto TikTok — because, as I said earlier, time doesn’t exist online.)
Moral of the story: ask your people about internet things you don’t get — usually if people are in on the joke, they want nothing more than to tell you about it too.
Before we go, one more ask for you — comment people whose names you’ve heard but have no context for who they are, what they do, or who they’re connected to… I’ll fill in the deets for you in a later newsletter.
THANKS FOR READING! And remember, there is literally no reason to follow anything Barstool, ever. Just don’t.
Hasta la pasta,
Emma
^ Use this button to give your friends and fam my expert internet opinion too. You know they need it.