Welcome to this thing.
It is Monday and the morning, and I actually did this thing this week, and therefore deserve some applause. The seventh grade cheated in the food drive and it’s a SCANDAL.
Also, this is a long one because of the fact that I didn’t do it for a month lol.
Some Stuff Happened…
This is the section where I tell you things that are happening on the Internet now.
I feel weird about BING BONG
Ok so originally I was going to talk about Bing Bong, the original. Then, I was going to talk about the remixes of Bing Bong, especially my personal fave, the Christmas remixes (1, 2, + 3). But alas, I did not write this newsletter, and now it’s kind of over but also not over? Who knows.
An actually interesting part of this story is that the Joe Byron guy went to rehab since that video was taken, and Bhad Bhabie donated thousands of dollars to him to help him find a home as he tried to stay clean. I think that’s pretty cool, given that millions of people are using his voice and personality and making money off of it, but he hasn’t seen a cent, since it wasn’t his video in the first place.
This could give me an entire tangent about how it’s weird that we effectively don’t own our own bodies, likenesses, voices, or anything anymore, and anyone can profit off of us without our consent, but then I’d have to talk about why I hate Barstool too, and that’s a whole other thing. Maybe another time…
Drama on TheaterTok (And Apparently I’m On TheaterTok?)
The drama on TheaterTok is two-fold: 1) Anthony Ramos, HOW DARE YOU?! and 2) Hamilton TikTokers battle and shade each other to the death. As a bonus, here is a sound from a play that was on Broadway in the 2000s and has blown up again and has been stuck in my head for WEEKS now, but from the POV of the red wine.
Anthony Ramos, HOW DARE YOU?!
Anthony Ramos, who originally played John Laurens and Philip Hamilton in Broadway smash hit, Hamilton, was a well-known “wife guy”. He was a wife guy in the sense that he was SO COMMITTED to his partner (as he should be), especially given 1) they were engaged, and 2) she was JASMINE CEPHA JONES, a beautiful talented icon who also originated roles in Hamilton, as Peggy Schuyler and Maria Reynolds.
Ramos, despite all his online and public love for his fiance, was exposed via TheaterTok to be a liar — someone saw him at a strip club with his hands all over a woman that was not his fiancee. TikTok obviously tore him a new one, and his face was pulled off the walls of dorm rooms all over the country. (I’m not kidding.) Also, in more important ramifications, it proved to be true, as Jasmine broke off their multi-year engagement and now Ramos is left to contemplate how he pulled a Hamilton/Reynolds moment on the woman who played her in the first place. *Just food for thought*
Basically, this is the power of TikTok. Bc Jasmine never would have read her random DMs from a random girl (probably), but enough people sharing the footage on TikTok and it’s likely to end up on the FYP of someone close to her.
In Summary: We live in a digital panopticon, nothing is private anymore, anyone can be found if the Internet FBI Girlies work hard enough.
Hamilton TikToker Battles
Basically, what happened is that someone on the Hamilton touring cast posted a TikTok about how one Broadway cast member was breaking the rules by posting too much in costumes and showing bits and pieces of the show each night. She kind of was, but kind of wasn’t, since apparently different casts have different performance rules. To solve for this, now the original exposer guy is the most-viewed video on the Hamilton TikTok, and the other lady has an official “behind-the-scenes talent” kind of deal with Hamilton so she can keep doing her thing — without posting clips from the actual show, because that really isn’t allowed. Also, this girl was there too, just crafting away in the corner minding her beeswax.
Internet Context of the Week
This is the section where I talk about the past of the Internet, that gives context for how the Internet today.
Tana Mongeau — This is coming this week, but the newsletter was already too long and I am too excited to write a whole freaking ESSAY on this woman so you’ll see it sometime this week. <3
People Who Are Dating, Who They Are, Why It Matters (Or Doesn’t), + If I Think It’s Real or PR
This is the section that explains itself super clearly in the title.
This Is Just An Update — Anna Sitar and Bru
wkJEHFA;FJ;AWEHFWEL
So that was supposed to be filler language to remind me to fill out this section but honestly… this is also how they make me feel?
If you recall, I wrote about Anna and Bru at the beginning of this newsletter, in the midst of the Internet FBI-ing and figuring out that he was likely her mystery man that was soft-launching across her social accounts.
It’s BEEN CONFIRMED, first by this man, who ruined it for everyone by posting a TikTok with them together before they got to announce it themselves.
Their official announcements were WAY CUTER than that one radio man’s random TikTok, showing compilations of their last couple of months in a relationship. Since then, the cute ass content has been through the roof, and I can confidently say that they are the only couple on the Internet currently that actually makes me think “huh… maybe I want a relationship?” and then I come back to earth and realize HELL NO but still, their power is strong and real.
Expect to see them in brand campaigns together, doing TikTok ad sponcon bs together, and for sure doing all the couples challenges. And I will soak it all up, because I’m a sucker for these two, and tbh, you should be too.
The Brands Are Here Too
This is the section where I tell you about what the brands are doing on the Internet.
This Was A Hollister Ad - Perfect example of seeing a 10/10 TikTok by a 10/10 creator and saying “HEY can we give you money just to do the exact same thing but in our clothes? Thanks.”
Duolingo also kidnapped their legal guy and then Rod.
Pantene made a good self-aware TikTok.
The Empire State Building continues to be so good at their job that they’re making me stan a building that I’ve despised for years so… good on them, I guess. #GiveTheEmpireStateBuildingARaise (I think we found out who he is? Or this man is lying, but I am not an investigative reporter and didn’t feel like looking it up.)
Trendy Toks
This is the section where I tell you about trends or sounds or whatever I want related to TikTok.
If you ever want to know where a specific sound or trend comes from, ask me OR ask this guy on TikTok who gives them all sourcing because apparently he has a lot of free time. It’s very helpful.
Gorgeous Gorgeous Girls — This trend has a ton of variations, but the structure is effectively saying gorgeous girls do X habit. Or something similar. Like the one I linked, which is a little more aggressive but I love it.
Maia Knight Is A Legend — She’s a young single mom of twins who does TikTok and is incredible. The fans started calling her kiddos, Violet and Scout, the wrong names, and now she’s on board too. She makes real videos and satire videos, just to mess with the very literal people on the internet, and I’m in love.
Woke Bros — I just, I can’t. I really wish this is how we ALLLL communicated, Bros and otherwise.
A Thing I’m Personally Super Pumped About + Why
This is the section where I blab about something that gives me joy and energy rn.
An Update - I WATCHED PRINCESS SWITCH 3!!!!!
It was chaotic and beautiful and brilliant, ok? I have no shame, no regrets, and expect that there will be four Vanessa Hudgens’s in the next one.
Shoutout to this person making TikToks as the friend of the protagonist in Hallmark movies. It’s incredible.
Exposing Myself Just a Little Bit
This is the section where I give you one tiny glance into my For You Page, which exposes me and the depths of my personality just a little too much.
This TikTok was on my feed, about being the token “let’s make fun of her!” friend, and tbh I felt attacked. And then I went into the comments section, and felt understood? I’m past that stage in my life now (and have actually good, kind friends), but it’s fascinating to see how TikTok can simultaneously make you feel like a garbage can but also like you’re part of a community of garbage cans who understand.
In kinder news, this man makes me cry every time I see one of his videos, and now you have to cry too.
THANKS FOR READING! And remember, there is literally no reason to follow anything Barstool, ever. Just don’t.
Hasta la pasta,
Emma
^ Use this button to give your bosses, colleagues, friends, and fam my expert internet opinion too. You know they need it.