I’m writing this at 7 am the morning it’s supposed to come out, on my phone, from bed. This newsletter has been on my to-do list for two weeks now, and yet… I’ve still procrastinated.
I’m not a procrastinator at heart, the way some people are. I don’t enjoy putting things off until the last minute, and I don’t do it with most things in my life. It’s been happening a lot lately. I need the adrenaline kick of a last-minute deadline to get me going.
As a result of this, I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation lately — what drives people to do what they do in their personal lives and in their careers, what they’re working towards or working for.
I’ve been externally motivated for as long as I can remember. Trained on the dopamine you get from someone liking you or complimenting you, a good grade, or a gold star. But the thing about growing up and leaving school and moving on is that, eventually, you do therapy and become self-assured, and all of a sudden, those external validations aren’t necessary. Which is great and good and all, but then where is the motivation supposed to come from? Inside you? Apparently so.
In my crisis of drive, I’ve asked many people I trust and admire in my life what pushes them to do what they do.
“these girls in the fourth grade who told me I couldn’t be hannah montana because I was black. I win.” — the best response I got to this question
Money is a huge motivator for careers, and most people are motivated in their personal lives because of their loved ones and doing more for them.
The occasional person was truly, genuinely driven by pure, uncompetitive self-improvement. This made me feel better.
I’m trying to learn how to do more and care about doing better simply for the progress of it all. It feels important to get to that self-actualized place of intrinsic drive.
The discourse would have me think that it’s mandatory.
You shouldn’t compete, you shouldn’t bring other people down or wish to beat them (especially other women), you shouldn’t seek validation from others, you shouldn’t be driven by capitalistic or patriarchal or systemically negative forces… Then what is left? What is left to prevent any of us, or at least the ones without that natural pure instinct towards progression, from just becoming stagnant logs?
Once again, it’s another week with no solid answers. I do have a theory that I’d like to propose, though; see if it feels right to y’all.
I think we can start with one of those “less desirable” motivations, right? Start moving along in that direction. At some point, we’ll either hate the thing we’re doing or enjoy it, but we will probably enjoy seeing the growth and progress. It’s like how things become more natural after doing them for three weeks because now it’s a habit. If we start and force ourselves to keep going, maybe we can fall in love with the ~progress~ rather than continuing to run towards a final destination or out of spite or to prove ourselves to someone else.
I don’t know, man. I’m just out here trying my best, and sometimes my best is speed-writing this from bed before I haul my butt up to go to the grocery store before work. But I’m going to the grocery store (which I rarely do), and I’m going to cook real food for myself for the week (another thing I struggle with). Maybe, just maybe, if I keep it up, one day I’ll pop up at 7 am excited for the grocery store and the process of learning to cook new things. Not today, but eventually.
What motivates y’all? Tweet me, dm me on IG, comment on this thing, and let me steal your ideas to get more productive.
In the meantime, I’ll see ya next week, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! (I feel like a YouTuber okay BYEEE)
Internet Content Suggestions of the Week
Zoe Sugg Vlogmas
On year ten of doing vlogmas, these 30-ish minute daily videos are the perfect soothing satisfaction of holiday cheer and contentedness.